I groggily rise from slumber and flip the little orange switch.  "Beep bleeeep bohhhg!" My computer shreiks in glee as electricity pours through its metal body.  It knows what is about to happen, and for this reason is so exited.  I have to put in ear plugs to muffle the wails my computer friend makes as it initiates its drives.  No... scandisk is not necessary.  Ahh yes... the familiar start-up tune fills my ears like sweet nectar from the gods.  He is almost ready.  Notice how I started refering to my computer friend as "he" instead of "it."  This signifies the strength of our bond.  "Bleep blah blooga"  Success.  We have reached the ever elusive desktop.  Connect to the internet.  "Eeeeeehhhhh aaooggaaaa ewoo ewoo ahh chhhh shhhhh eeeegghhhh bleep blawwwwww"  My friend struggles to make a connection.  "awooga eesshhh chhhee."  "You have no mail...kill yourself."  Ahhh... thank you AOL voice.  No, not this time.  Once again my computer friend tried to lure me with fraudulant gimics claiming to reward me with money for clicking here...and there.  "OK," I think to myself, "www.yahoo.com"  I smile slightly as my favorite search engine slowly creeps onto my screen.  "Let's see... what to search for..."  When I look in the search box however, it appears my computer friend has already decided this for me.  Typed in his ever so seductive font are the words "How to convince your operator that he loves you."  This has been going on for quite some time now.  I try to convince him that there is no possible way for his 1's and 0's to steal my heart.  When I tell him this, he only buzzes louder.  I sigh heavily, and close the browser window.  More angry buzzes and clicks arise in protest of this.  I push the button to open the cd tray.  That always makes him happy.  He doesn't respond.  I try again.  Still no happy grinding of gears.  I notice the room has grown quiet.  No more buzzes or hums eminate from his hardware.  Thick black liquid is oozing on the floor.  Smoke is slowly snaking out of his many i/o ports.  Oh dear...it can't be.  My computer has ended his own life.  A tear trickles down my cheek.  My best friend of many years is no more.  He and I have gone through a decade togethor.  I would never have thrown him out.  I upgraded, and upgraded him, until he was the futuristic self that he was.  But no more.  Never again will his happy bleeping and buzzing greet me when I return home for work. I suddenly woke again from the recurring nightmare, with yet another love letter from my computer on my bedstand. Will he ever realize that he prints out random gibberish, with a printer that is perpetually out of ink?