Aha, so you have made it this far. You must have a will forged of steel. Maybe even titanium.
But not uranium, because you would die of radiation poisoning. Your endeaver to reach this page has rewarded you with
a story straight from Ted's life (no kidding.)
It had been a normal Thursday afternoon when The
Hairy One first arrived to terrorize Ted. Well, it was as normal of a Thursday as possible after all of the flash earthquakes
and tsunamis that occured earlier that morning. NO NO NO, that is besides the point. Ok, continuing on.
You see, nobody really knows the hidden, dark origins
of the HO (Hairy One.) However, many philosophers and political radicals and the like enjoy coming up with ideas pertaining
to this secret. However, we simply label these people "inadequates", and we proceed to toss them into giant holes filled
with asbestos. Poor souls.
So, Ted was sipping a mocha with a shot of caramel
(mmm...caramel), when the HO suddenly leaped out of his espresso. "A hash bahnad a weesh a tawd!" ( The HO spoke in
a peculiar form of Swahilee.) Needless to say, Ted was quite taken aback, for he was fluent in that dialect, and knew
that the HO had just told him "watch out for gingevitis, it will eat away your gums...lalala...splat."
Ted did not have any idea what to do, so,
as all men his age do, he took out pen and pad and starting putting his thoughts togethor. This went on for quite some
time, months infact. The HO just jumping around biting Ted, and Ted just sitting there, complacent as ever, his bones
slowly becoming visible through the bite marks.
Ted looked the HO in the eyes, and then with
a very strong voice he said: "Wait a minute... my house is beige!" And with that almighty accusation, the HO melted
away into nothing, to occupy the imaginations of children (and telephones) everywhere. BEEEEEP!! Ted woke up and
hit his alarm clock, feeling strangely aroused. (hack... cough)
