Although Ted is many things (and I mean many), there is one
thing that he is not: a deep sea explorer/action hero. Now don't get me wrong, he has striven for this title for quite
some time, but all to no avail. He started to get very downcast, when one day his mate Norman approached him with an
offer that would change his life. Or at least the remaining 12 and half hours left in that day.
"Hihi," Norman Greeted. "Have I got an opportunity for
you."
Ted, of course, thought that Norman wanted "favors" from him
(weeding his flower beds, painting his fence), so he smartly retorted: "Oh go alligator clamp your nipples."
Norman was ready for this, and said "Ha, you are too slow, I
already am!" And indeed he was.
Anyways, too make a somewhat long story short, Ted was offered a
trip down into the abyss known as DEATH HOLE, located somewhere in the Pacific Ocean off the coast of England. (Yes,
I know England is in the Atlantic Ocean, but there is magic afoot here, you fool.) Ted accepted. He learned the
techniques of the deep sea explorer/action hero in a matter of seconds, and three minutes later plunged into the deceivingly
calm and balmy waters that covered DEATH HOLE (magic enabled him to do all of this faster than most people can even boil water.)
While under the surface, Ted experienced more things than you and
I could even possibly imagine, unless you have been to the DEATH HOLE, which is unlikely because you possess no magical skills.
When he finally made it to the ocean floor, he was confronted by a very hostile, and ugly species of underwater dwellers that
captured him, and took him to their dungeon, which happened to be inside of a sperm whale. After many hours of
being nearly digested, and having lost all his money on the slot machines, Ted was finally brought before the all mighty Hoobahooba.
The Hoobahooba was a proud ruler who presided over the proud people of Hooba-land. (or as some called it, hoobastank,
but these rowdy people were banished, and later on formed a band on dry land).
The Hoobahooba accused him of trying to pervert their society,
but Ted proved his innocense. They became quite good pals, and even had tea togethor in his blue plush chairs.
Despite all of this, Ted still left his mark in Hooba-land before he left: he erased the "stop" on one of the stop-signs,
and replaced it with the word "go." Boy, did that upset the Hoobainians.
